Pushing Past Failure

Trail running was what I lived and breathed for.  One year ago, almost to the day, I was slatted to run my first 100 mile race.  Finding out that I was going to blow up my wittle damaged heart if I ever attempted anything more than a 15k was devastating.  I tried to be optimistic and see how fortunate I was to have had that last minute cardiologist's intervention, but deep down my soul was broken.  I threw myself into work, into boxing, into being a fixture at my local gym. I fooled myself quite nicely.
Last night, a friend suggested I watch the  new movie made about the Barkley Marathons.  That marathon was the crown on my bucket list.  If I finished well in the LM100, I had a chance this year of being accepted at the Barkley.  

You can watch the trailer at www.barkleymovie.com    
2 minutes of your time will permit you to get an idea of what makes me tick and why I miss my old life so much.
The Barkley is supposed to be a 100 mile race, but it's usually more like 130.  So much vertical gain that it's akin to climbing Mount Everest twice.  Most years, no one finishes.  That to me, is a worthy challenge.  The potential that everything I can give to a race may still fall short, that's where I want to be.  I've run a few city marathons... to have people lined up along the road cheering me on to finish something I already know I can finish is depressing.  I want to be in the middle of the woods, alone,at night, lost, exhausted and have to scrap up the last bit of courage I have to keep running.  

This is the Barkley.  Run mostly straight through the woods, no trails.
Have you ever thought you were over a lost love until you rediscover  love letters and pictures?  
I started watching the movie over supper and spent the entire time crying.  I took my laptop to bed and watched it a second time.

I miss my tribe.