Monday, January 22, 2018

Jewel Heist

Breaking News:  One professional thief and an accomplice are still at large after last week's jewel heist.  The victim claims he was tranquilized and rendered helpless to prevent the robbery.  The only clue he could provide is that the main perpetrator was called Doctor.

He describes the family jewels as priceless and irreplaceable.  He's started himself a GoFundMe site to buy a pair of Neuticles. Great Dane size.

At $1300 a pair, he has little hope his owner will understand the need to rebuild his self esteem, in fact, he's implicating her as potential collaborator in the burglary.

Now all he can do is feel his testosterone life force leaving his carcass.  
Upon Dax's return home, Peter understands right away what has happened and fusses and preens over him.

Not allowing the owner to put him in his crate.

Seems Peter is giving the suspected collaborator the evil eye.
By evening, Peter is regretting having performed such an excellent job at nursing his little buddy.

The Demon Spawn has risen again and quickly learns that his new cone is the ultimate weapon, to be used as a shield when sparring with Peter.

Works great at shielding Fat Boy from stealing his supper too.

"I said:It's MINE!".
24 hours post surgery, with a scrotum full of staples, my kid is hell on wheels again.  He darts out of the house at warp speed and runs his own Kentucky Derby around the house and through the garden before I can catch him again.  Chases a terrified Garrett around for a bit, leaps over Peter taunting him and takes my kneecaps out with the cone.  Dax makes Marmaduke and Marley look like inept novices.
Meanwhile, Dax's owner has lost something of extreme value too:

She's posted an All Points Bulletin.  Be on the lookout for HER snow.  Return immediately if found.
From a bracing 16'F one day to 70'F on Sunday.  With a preferred inside Winter temp of 61'F, 70 outside is not a treat.

Instead of spending her weekend sobbing and caressing the sole surviving snowball safely tucked away in her freezer, she sallies forth and goes on a cleaning frenzy in the barn.

Put away your hankie and roll up your sleeves.  Dozens of halters and lead ropes need to be handwashed.

Scrub poop off the horse blankets, scrub the barn walls, put a kink in your neck knocking cobwebs down from the clerestory windows, and last but not least, roll up your pants, get 5 gallons of bleach and scrub the barn floors.

A clean barn is like yanking the welcome mat out from the flies.  We haven't used the chemical spewing insecticidal misting system in three years.  The stables have officially gone Green!
When I'm blue, I clean, it always helps.  But, if you see my lost snowflakes, tell them I miss them and to come back home to Alabama.