Bummer

I'm more and more like my old one ton dually every year. 

She's a workhorse, but she's getting more and more expensive to maintain. Even if I could afford a new F350, I doubt I'd trade Boss (that's her name) in.  We've crisscrossed this country several times, she's pulled me through some hard times. I am bound to her.
My body on the other hand, I'd take a newer model any day.  Black, white, purple with pink spots, I wouldn't care what was between my legs either, as long as I could keep what's between my ears and in my heart. This sleeve is worn slap out and I'm tired of fighting to keep it from falling to pieces.  
After the knee surgery, hysterectomy and eye surgery, I looked at the pain and cumulative total of 2016 & 2017's medical out of pocket costs of $31,000 as in the past and that smooth sailing was ahead.  
Surgically induced menopause hit me hard the turn of this year and I finally quit trying to self medicate with black cohosh and red clover supplements, opting to seek the advice of a reproductive endocrinologist.  Instead of being prescribed a random cocktail of drugs and monitored every 6 months, I went to someone who took my genetic predisposition to cancer seriously and tailored a regiment to help me get over the intense mental fog that has plagued me for months due to my lack of normal hormone production.
He's put me on testosterone!

...and estrogen.  The doses are so low that I shouldn't be ripping out of my shirts like the Hulk (oh darn), nor be shot with a tranquilizer dart and dragged back off to the gorilla exhibit at the zoo.  
This doctor is affiliated to my Blue Cross insurance, but my plan is the poor peasant Bronze plan and it won't allow me to see him.  My option is to get sub par health care from a general practitioner or fork over what I figure will be $1500 this year to be properly monitored and avoid costlier problems down the road.
To injury, there is always insult.  My eyesight in both eyes has been tanking the past few years.  I see a specialist in Montgomery and I have faith that he has been doing his very best to find solutions, up to the point that I had custom contacts made two months ago... they didn't work either.

My mother asked me so many questions today that I feel like a slide show is in order to explain what's happened.

A normal eye with a clear lens and intact zonules

Normal cornea atop eyeball

I have received a few too many blows to the head in my life and my zonules (muscle tie down straps) were ripped and my lens had a cataract on it from a puncture wound to the eye I'd had years ago.

Cataract and torn zonules

They set a new artificial lens and hoped the zonules would hold it.

New lens

Unfortunately it appears the zonules aren't holding and my lens is wobbling causing damage inside the eye.  Resulting in scar tissue formed over the back half of my new lens and possibly being responsible for the retina damage now there.  That's why sometimes I can see somewhat clearly and other times when the lens has shifted, I see nothing but a black curtain, the scar tissue is that dense.
But, there's more.  I've been diagnosed with progressive keratoconus, the corneas of both my eyes are so thin that they ripple and bulge. 

Am I an artist, or what?

 I had seen ripples of wrinkled white of my eye in the mirror one day and that's exactly what was happening.  No wonder any kind of contact lens or glasses can fix it:  my eyes fluctuate constantly.
I'm currently using +3.50 readers and they're not strong enough some times.  I've been handed the bad news this afternoon that I'm headed towards losing my vision, not in ten years, but much, much sooner.  
The current FDA approved remedy is corneal transplant.  Not an option I can afford or maintain in my current lifestyle afterwards.  They don't select you as a transplant candidate if you ride horses or have a very active lifestyle!!! I'd rather lose an eye than quit my job, but it's both eyes that are failing.
There is a procedure that is used in Canada and Europe called Corneal Cross Linking that could help harden my corneas and give me more years, but it's not approved in the US yet.  Therefore, insurance won't cover it and the cost is inflated due to being an 'off-label' procedure.  
I've just payed off the health care costs of last year and was poised to start investing in my retirement again.   Sometimes life is not a joke, sometimes it's a real bitch.
To add further insult to my day, Dax accidentally bit me today.

I must have really pissed someone important off in my former life, this is RIDICULOUS!
FYI, I've already cried my eyes out today, I'm done.  I'm putting the gloves back on and getting back in the ring.  Round 7 and I'm coming out swinging.  Like my soulmate told me: You're a Fighter.  Damn straight I am.