Going Native

Urban Dictionary:  going native, to take on the cultural traits of the people around you.  Working on it.
After two decades of despising ATV's for the wildlife disruption, carbon belching, trail destruction-- guess what I drive every day?  

I tried to stand by my convictions and ride my bicycle with wagon ,

to the pasture and back.  Great workout pulling 50 lbs of feed. Best method to achieve heat stroke in 100' weather.  
As the ATV I've been using for months is borrowed, I'd begun shopping around.  Incredibly, new ones start at $6000.  The Kawasaki Brute Force 650 (with winch!) which I would love to have is a mere $11,000.  Look here, I only paid $14,500 for my car off the showroom floor! So, I lowered my sights, real low.  Like, I paid $400 for this:

2000 Honda Rancher 350.  Custom gold trim package.  Goggles were included.  Dear child who sold it to me even threw in a new can of Fix-a-Flat.
Are you finished laughing yet?  OK, I'll give you another minute.
The gold paint is the result of a botched theft attempt.  The young lad who had it before painted it gold, then told his friends (my neighbors) to shoot if they see someone other than him driving the gold bike.  We'll be repainting it before too long, or investing in a flak jacket!
One more little issue it has:  it only goes forward.  Reverse is broken.  Whaddya expect for $400?!?

As a fledgling Redneck, I must learn to always have one vehicle up on blocks.  Got it.
My truck hadn't been pampered since November, so I left her at my new mechanic's place for 3 weeks.  

Looking down into the operating theater from the manager's office.  Not to worry, my Ford dually is in good hands.  I thoroughly interviewed the gruff 6'5" mechanic and his wife/ office manager.  Applying to work on my baby diesel is like getting a mortgage, yes, I'm that picky.  When the mechanic said that he only likes to work on 7.3 L Fords because everything else is  #@&! crap, I was sold.
$2200.00 later, my baby's feeling brand new again.  The very same day I picked her up, I dropped off my new bike here:

New back tires and full servicing, she should feel 5 years younger.
So do I get an A+ on my Redneck report card?
Jeff Foxworthy said:  You might be a redneck if your porch collapses and kills 3 dogs.

With a new porch, there's no chance of that.  Left to right:  Chief Allglad, Ferrapatete and Junior Rocket.  Terms of endearment, it's a Canadian thing.  Hey, I may be Southern now, but I'll always be Canadian deep down inside!