Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Tiny Terrorist Diaries

Dear Diary,
Day 8 of my detention as a prisoner of this infidel.

Every attempt to escape is thwarted.

I try to rouse the other dogs to declare mutiny.  But, it is hopeless, they are obviously brainwashed.

The one they call Peter speaks constantly about the food. 

 I think this is where she hides the mind control drugs.

More interrogations are needed.

I proceed to establish the oxen are also being drugged.

Regrettably, the horses are subjected to the same dastardly treatment.

I resolve myself to eat only my captor's food to avoid being assimilated.


She suspects a plot and begins weighing myself and my food.

If the others will not help me with my prison break, I shall go it alone.

Digging is too slow and noticeable means of fleeing. I must persevere. While I hatch my escape plan, I continue my resistance by means of biting and barking at the infidel... 
Day 6, disaster--- district leader of all jailers is called in for a private session with me. 

They called him Stewart Harvard, police dog trainer and herding dog champion.   My attitude is quickly readdressed, but secretly, I continue to plot.

I look through discarded documents to try to piece together an escape plan.

I employ various means of distraction to keep her from guessing my scheme.  Stealing her roll of toilet paper temporarily very effective. 
 As part of my sentence, I am subjected to forced labor.  I miss no opportunities to sabotage...

Quietly defiant, I steal the drain pan while the captor changes the oil of a motor.

Yet,resistance, at times, feels futile. In spite of stealing any rug or blanket not nailed down, the infidel will not abandon me to my devices.

No longer trusted, I find myself tethered to the jailer, even when performing degrading tasks such as the dreaded manure pile run.

For some reason, cutting grass is not required of me and I can fiendishly laugh at the infidels as they hurtle toward certain heat stroke.

One associate of the warden favors me.  Perhaps he may be of assistance.  
I have determined that the other two dogs are idiots who help the warden capture me when I am so close to making a break for it.  

I will approach the sympathetic associate jailer tomorrow for help because I can take no more.  My humiliation tonight was complete:

I think I will exact revenge by peeing in her bed tonight.