Sunday, September 24, 2017

Dear John Letter

Dear Aunt Rose, 

     I can no longer continue our relationship, I'm leaving you forever.  During our 45 year relationship, I have accommodated you in all your tempestuousness. Mostly you ruined one week out of three, yet sometimes you never bothered to even call after a four month absence. 
  Duty made me endure you because we were family, but when you started demanding premium space and crushing our other relatives, I had to draw the line.  What you have done to our little family is inexcusable.  It will require much time, money and patience to right what you have wronged.  
  This breakup will be painful and permanent.  I should've kicked you to the curb years ago.
  Did you really think you'd get away with suffocating Uncle Kidney Ken's blood supply and letting  him wither away to nothing?  Did you?
  You have been the most useless uterus ever, I wish I'd never met you.

  Most sincerely,

         The most tolerant woman who hopes it hurts when you incinerate on Monday.